Week 7

  1. What are the little ways in which you stay connected by turning toward your spouse, or someone close to you? What impact do these little actions have on your relationship?
I try to take an interest in what he is passionate about. I ask questions and stay actively involved. If he is thinking about doing something that I know he would enjoy, I try to encourage and facilitate as much as possible. It has an impact on our relationship in that he feels like I care more about him and what he enjoys. He feels validated and as a result is more likely to validate me in return, which makes me feel better about the relationship. 
  1. What are the challenges with turning toward one another? What can you do to respond to these challenges in a way that strengthens the relationship?
It is difficult to be constantly thinking of someone else and choosing to put them first. There are so many distractions in the world, and it can be very difficult to choose to focus on marriage rather then all the various things calling for our attention. In a society that emphasizes self care, it is unpopular to put your spouse first. Some even say that it is wrong, and that they need to focus on themselves like you do for yourself. There does not appear to be a healthy balance mentioned.  
  1. What are the "bids for attention" you or someone close to you use to turn toward one another? When a bid for attention is given, how readily do you pick up on it and respond by engaging with your spouse/other person in a discussion or activity?
My husband will ask if I want to watch something, and then typically he wants to discuss it with me. He likes me to watch videos that are important to him(such as mathematics and financial planning) and wants me to take an interest in what he likes. I do my best, but I have never been comfortable with higher level mathematics. I try to have conversations with him, but I am honest in my lack of understanding. I try to learn more when I am able. 
  1. What important principles related to marriage are illustrated in the story from Martha Arnell? How does the story relate to the concept of creating shared meaning in marriage?
Even if you yourself do not have an interest, it is worth encouraging the other spouse to pursue their passions, and that we don't have to take an interest to support them. We can be supportive while being honest about our own feelings on the activity. Marriage should be about honesty, and it is not honest to fake interest. If we at least try and then decide it isn't for us, that is different. 
  1. How does faith in Christ strengthen a marriage?
Christ is an example as to what we can become. He is also an example of putting someone before us. He is a grounding aspect of marriage, and gives us the strength to push on and prioritize what is important in the relationship. 

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