Marriage Blog

It is hard to think about this being the last week! I have benefited from this class, and feel it has been a good learning experience. My parents always stressed the importance of staying out of debt. They had accumulated about half a million in debt before going bankrupt and ending up having to learn how to get by. My husband and I try to be as thrifty as possible, and we have agreed that we will never buy a car that is less then 5 years old. We don't do credit cards(unless they are paid off right away) and try to save as much as possible for the future. My husbands parents live paycheck to paycheck, even though they make a good bit of money - they don't budget very well(in our opinions at least) though we don't know all of their bills, it just seems like it to us. We try to only have essentials and are careful with our money for the most part. We're getting better about it but its only been in the last year that we've really started looking to the future. ...

What is one new idea you learned from the article from Richard Miller ("Who is the boss? Power Relationships in Families")? Husbands and wives have different responsibilities, but they function as equals. There is a lot of controversy on how equals can have different roles, and still be equal. I felt that his point was well made and made additional sense and gave me additional information if I am challenged in the future as to why I feel equality is possible with different roles. Equality does not mean equal shares of the load though, as I feel that as we go through life, we have periods of time where we need more or less help(mother having a newborn and needing more help comes to mind) and it is a constant give and take. In what ways do you think a couple and family could benefit from having a weekly family council? What are the specific principles highlighted by Elder Ballard that would especially be relevant and applicable to a family council? Having an equal k...

In a nutshell, explain in your own words what is needed to overcome gridlock (Gottman)? Being upfront and honest about our hang ups. Also to be respectful of what is important to our partners. We all have different dreams. Even if I don't understand why it is important, it doesn't make it any less important then my dreams. As we get older, I have found that I can give my husband more room for his dreams, because I have learned how it is so important for me to have mine, and he needs that same courtesy.  What is the central message of Gottman's book? "Here's how I can accurately predicate marriage failure rate. This is why, this is how you can be prepared for success in the future, and also know that some of what you are told about marriage just isn't true." What is the most important thing you learned from Gottman's book? That marriage is both simple and complex and that things are never as they seem. What is the central message of G...

What does it mean to fulfill the sexual stewardship in marriage? To have  or work towards a meaningful sexual relationship with your partner.  Working towards being on the same page, and respecting each others needs and desires as well as our own. From the readings, what were the two most important ideas that stick out in your mind? That we need to make sure we are in the third mindset. That we don't shy away from talking and discussing our relationship with each other, so that we can work together for each other and ourselves.  As a married person, what are some wise precautions you will take to safeguard your marriage from infidelity? Be mindful in how I view others, and work towards building my relationship with my husband on a consistent basis. Not comparing him to anyone, unless it is in a positive manner. Focus on his strengths rather than his flaws.  In marriage, what will you do to help protect yourself and your spouse from the damaging influ...

I felt this quote applied well to this weeks questions.  According to Gottman, 69% of all problems in marriage are perpetual. Do you think this estimation is accurate? Why or why not? I think it is accurate. People are so different, come from such different backgrounds. Outside circumstances don't change overnight, and people have outside issues they bring to the marriage. It is okay to realize that you can't fix everything and it is important to know when you can't fix it.  According to Gottman, whether a problem is solvable or perpetual, what is the underlying key to successfully address conflict? How it is addressed. How each person approaches it. Do they approach it with an attitude of eagerness to work together with their spouse, or do they view it as a drudgery.  Happy couples are friends, basically, and part of that is having a willingness to make it work.  What are the repair attempts you use to put on the brakes and lower tension in the...

Based on your observations or life experiences, what have you learned about pride? That it sneaks up on you. I don't think anyone views themselves as prideful. Right now I am watching a show where the main protagonist, is very prideful, but she doesn't see it as being prideful. I think this is a good example of how we can be blindsided by our own pride. It is really easy to see it in others, but less in ourselves.  From your observations, what are the little ways in which pride is manifest in marriage? Making decisions for the other spouse. Doing things to undermine because your way is better. Feeling that you know best for the relationship and your spouses feelings don't matter as much. Feeling like you are the better person, because of whatever, whether you do more "good things" or whatnot. No matter what, we aren't better then anyone else.  Examine recent interactions with your spouse or someone close to you. When your spouse (or someone clo...

What are the little ways in which you stay connected by turning toward your spouse, or someone close to you? What impact do these little actions have on your relationship? I try to take an interest in what he is passionate about. I ask questions and stay actively involved. If he is thinking about doing something that I know he would enjoy, I try to encourage and facilitate as much as possible. It has an impact on our relationship in that he feels like I care more about him and what he enjoys. He feels validated and as a result is more likely to validate me in return, which makes me feel better about the relationship.  What are the challenges with turning toward one another? What can you do to respond to these challenges in a way that strengthens the relationship? It is difficult to be constantly thinking of someone else and choosing to put them first. There are so many distractions in the world, and it can be very difficult to choose to focus on marriage rather then all t...

What sacrifices have you willingly made for the sake of your marriage or spouse? How has the sacrifice impacted your marriage? Having children, cleaning house, and trying to put others first. Realizing that I am not always right, and that even if I am right, it isn't worth having hard feelings towards each other. It is more important to work together and put the Lord first, together. I think of the triangle of marriage.   Here is another question that will require soul-searching, humility, and charity: What sacrifice are you currently withholding in marriage that if given willingly, would touch your spouse or your marriage in an important way? Being more of a team player. Focusing on "our" issues and resources instead of mine. President Henry B Eyring said," Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pra...

Think of a couple you know well. If married, you could think of your own marriage. Would you say the marriage of this couple is characterized by positive or negative sentiment override? Unfortunately, I think my marriage is more negative then positive. We are working to be better about it though,  What are the indicators that lead you to draw this conclusion? We are constantly misinterpreting each other, and when one of us tries to make a repair, the other does not realize it, just taking it personally.  The central finding of Gottman's research is that strong marriages have strong friendship as a defining characteristic. In fact, Gottman's whole book has to do with building friendship and dealing with conflict in healthy ways so that it does not negatively affect friendship. What does Gottman mean by friendship, and why is friendship so important in marriage? It means liking the person. Really wanting to be with them,  and finding joy in companionshi...

What things in particular are you going to implement into your life to ensure that your marriage is a covenant marriage and not a contractual marriage? Working together towards a common goal. As I get closer to being married to my husband for 7 years, it is clearer then ever that marriage is not easy, and that there is more expected of oneself then an average temporary experience.  It is quite easy to want to bail out, and that does not get easier with time. Our resolve can strengthen, but there are always trials that will test us, and we need to be prepared for them. We need to be careful that we do not get comfortable, because there will always be a new test or trial for us to overcome, as a couple, and as members. It feels better to be part of a team though. Out of the three "wolves" described, do you feel one is particularly detrimental to our society? Which one? Explain. Individualism. Focus on self, is very important to being part of a team or a family. We as ...

By being assigned to read about the opinions  of the Supreme Court in  Obergefell v. Hodges  (2015), we have a better understanding of what went into the decision, and fallacies that we need to watch out for in defending our own personal beliefs. We have been tasked as a people and a church, to protect the family, what it is and what it stands for. We were tasked with this before it really became an issue. In 1995, the family proclamation came out. Most members wondered why, tucked it away as doctrine that was good to know, but didn't seem to be needed. When the need to defend the family arose, it made much more sense why the proclamation was worded the way it was. I think the biggest issue the church has about legalizing same sex marriage, is that it is redefining what a family is, and it feels that is attacking the core of what the church stands for - family. If you think about it, we are a family focused church. Our goal as members is to return to Heavenly Fath...

Week Two Blog Post I was raised in a primarily white, middle class community. I was very sheltered, home schooled and really only went to church. From my perspective until I was older, people getting divorced was very rare.As I experienced the world more, it was a little more commonplace, but until I moved to Philadelphia, I was in primarily lds communities. The people I associate with now, many of them are retired and on their second marriage, which typically has lasted longer then the first.  I agree with the idea that the relationship status of the parents are only one part of what affects children. From my perspective, while my parents were married and stayed together, they were not very happy with each other. There were many personality differences and as a result, I grew up in a home with a lot of conflict, which I greatly disliked. They are now divorced, and their relationship is a lot better. It is a weird situation though where they still live together. I t...

I will be using this blog throughout the semester to record my thoughts on what I have been studying, and how best I can apply this to my life and how it can be applied to others as well!